Midget Priests who Like the Sauce (If you don't get it, you suck)
Today in an effort to show how un-moaning and bitchy I am, I'm going to type everything using exclamation points! Isn't that fun! See?! I'm not evil! I'm not morose! I'm giddy, spritely, fun and lovable! You loooooove me!
Ok, so that's getting on my nerves. (!) In truth, while I'm not jumping off of the walls today, I am feeling at least a little better as I ate some sodium infused frozen dinner last night, kept it down, and actually enjoyed it. Yea for progress! My body is still racked by this dull ache that seems to have developed its own small subdivision in my lower neck and back, but it's nothing that a restful day in front of the tube won't help, or quite possibly, cure. So here I am, taking a well-needed respite from the "Awesomely Bad" line of programming on VH1, and telling you about it. Don't you feel special?
I have to work tonight, but I have tomorrow off, and work a mid on Saturday so two nights in a row will belong to me, and me alone. I am wondering what mischief I will try to get in on those nights. I am actually thinking of going shopping on Friday (probably just to Target or something) as my darling mother deposited some money in my account, and well, I'm a Southern Woman and spending money is just what I do. I haven't done it in a while, but I think I'm just about ripe for the occasion. Or I could stay home and read and work on some writing. Or I could bake a cheesecake. The options are limitless.
So before I retire into the cushions on my couch, I will leave you with a handy-dandy pocket list of the things I have learned this week. Feel free to cut it out as it surely will help you out of many a jam:
1. Alcoholics are not reliable. Even recovering ones.
2. You should never stalk someone. They don't like it.
3. All VH1 programming is not created equal. Case in point: Man in the Mirror: The Michael Jackson story. Ew.
4. Eating 3 day old Japanese food will not make your stomach feel better, no matter how much soy sauce you put on it.
5. Singing Fiona Apple's Criminal in your car at full blast is scientifically proven to make you feel like a slut, a criminal, or a liberated woman with a penchant for good little boys and bad sex. Either/or.
Ok, so that's getting on my nerves. (!) In truth, while I'm not jumping off of the walls today, I am feeling at least a little better as I ate some sodium infused frozen dinner last night, kept it down, and actually enjoyed it. Yea for progress! My body is still racked by this dull ache that seems to have developed its own small subdivision in my lower neck and back, but it's nothing that a restful day in front of the tube won't help, or quite possibly, cure. So here I am, taking a well-needed respite from the "Awesomely Bad" line of programming on VH1, and telling you about it. Don't you feel special?
I have to work tonight, but I have tomorrow off, and work a mid on Saturday so two nights in a row will belong to me, and me alone. I am wondering what mischief I will try to get in on those nights. I am actually thinking of going shopping on Friday (probably just to Target or something) as my darling mother deposited some money in my account, and well, I'm a Southern Woman and spending money is just what I do. I haven't done it in a while, but I think I'm just about ripe for the occasion. Or I could stay home and read and work on some writing. Or I could bake a cheesecake. The options are limitless.
So before I retire into the cushions on my couch, I will leave you with a handy-dandy pocket list of the things I have learned this week. Feel free to cut it out as it surely will help you out of many a jam:
1. Alcoholics are not reliable. Even recovering ones.
2. You should never stalk someone. They don't like it.
3. All VH1 programming is not created equal. Case in point: Man in the Mirror: The Michael Jackson story. Ew.
4. Eating 3 day old Japanese food will not make your stomach feel better, no matter how much soy sauce you put on it.
5. Singing Fiona Apple's Criminal in your car at full blast is scientifically proven to make you feel like a slut, a criminal, or a liberated woman with a penchant for good little boys and bad sex. Either/or.
posted by Southern Belle at 11:33 AM
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