Tales from Under the Bridge

So due to monthly forces that are out of my control, I feel like crap today. Plus, to make matters worse, I look like refried crap. In passing by the mirror in my room this morning, I noticed that recent worries over money, work, life and the state of the country have rendered me a terrifying troll-like creature. Hence the title of today's edition. I have some sort of bump on my chin, I have become even more chubby than previously imagined due to the massive amount of depression induced eating I have done, and I have these weird bags under my eyes that do not seem to want to go away. Plus, my normally charming personality is on vacation for probably another week as my body declares war on itself and then slowly works to clean up the carnage. I am hideous and mean. Case closed.

In a sad twist of fate for the priveleged and bastardly members of the Williamsburg community who beseige me daily with their desires for overly sugared beverages and extra whipped cream, I will not be providing good customer service tonight. I have to work, and I am already dreading it, which is a bad thing since it is only 10:00 in the morning. Plus, I am tired as I awoke at 6:40 this morning and was unable to get back to sleep save for a few shittly little dozes. So be forewarned. If you are a bastard with a special order and a penchant for barking at people who toil in the service industry, STAY AWAY! I will provide you with exceedingly bad customer service, and I might even make your drink wrong just out of spite. You see, absolute power corrupts absolutely, and since the only power I hold right now is over the smoothness of your frappe or the foaminess of your cappuccino, I will be corrupting drinks all night long. Mwah ha ha ha!

Ho hum. Well, since I am coming across as a total freak in this edition of my blog, I will retire. I am hoping to try to get a nap in, but as my mind is deluged with a wealth of conflicting thoughts and emotions, I don't see it happening. Oh well. My heart tells me to go bake a batch of peanut butter cookies with little Hershey kisses on top, but my brain says to search and destroy. Sound weird? Welcome to my world. It sucks. You're going to love it.