Rainy California Day

In lieu of actually falling asleep at my desk, I have decided to post an honest to goodness update on the state of my life. It is basically for myself, as I am sure all who used to read the ole blog so regularly have long since lost interest in my exploits. But never the less, it will keep me awake, and keep me from spending any more money on iTunes, which is as we speak, digging a new hole into my new paycheck.

Life, for me, is good right now. Matt made it through his first year of grad school. I bought an iPod nano. We planted a garden together. The rain stopped and then it started again. We renewed our lease for 4 more years, given that we love our house and don't want to lose it. It's strange. Seeing it all typed out like this makes it seem as though my life is boring, but there is really such an easy peace about it. With Matt out of school and suddenly without the curtain of academia to separate him from the outside world, we have developed this kind of nice day to day existence. Life is suddenly like a glass of wine and a soft pillow.

And it's bizarre, it really is, but I like it. And I can't imagine things any different. I like things this way. It's weird, but it's like feeling that you are at home. Really, truly at home. Things are as they should be. When I get home from work, and the flowers are growing and Matt has made chili and we just sit and talk until it gets dark and we finally have to leave the dining table to turn the lights on, I feel just right.

So this, of course, segways into some sort of turmoil. You knew it, didn't you, with me being the English major that I am. Anyway. My family wants me to come home for a couple of weeks this summer, as Matt is going to Russia for a conference, and I have the luxury of paid vacation days to use up. And I really don't want to. Isn't that awful? I haven't seen some of my family, nor have I seen the place where I grew up in nearly a year. I don't know. I finally feel as if I have really come into my own, and that I have things sort-of, kind-of figured out (well, enough to know what makes me happy and not). And right now, being happy means being here, in California, being myself, and being away from my family. It's mean and awful, but I just want to stay here.

Sooo, I told my parents that I don't have the cash. Which is not true. Well, kind of not true. I do have it, but Matt and I are saving up for a fall trip to Hawaii. I don't want to spend funds from there to pay to come home if I don't really want to go there in the first place. So now my family is all about trying to find the money to bring me home. And everytime the phone rings, they're all like, "I heard that you don't have any money. Can I loan you some?" It sucks. It really does. I don't want their money, not for this, not for anything. I just want to be able to stay in my house, call them on the weekends, and just be done with it.

This turmoil right now is like a big oily fingerprint on the otherwise lovely impressionist painting that is my life. And it is sad that it has come to this when I really love my family. I just don't feel like I can communicate these desires to them. Oh well.

Well, I should probably go. I am going to put some things in the supply closet and try to sneak out through the murky air and get home a few minutes early. I want Chinese.

Have a good un!