The Two-Sides of Morgan
I have very recently realized that there are two sides of me, two sides that loathe each other, but only very rarely come into direct conflict with each other. The two sides of Morgan are very much like the Hatfields and McCoys: the rivalry is there, but it takes a certain event or idea to really start the gunfire. These two sides are Regular Morgan and Common Sense Morgan. Common Sense Morgan is the one who willed herself to college, who occasionally goes on diets, who has a 401 (k) plan, whereas Regular Morgan actually did the work in college, downed a bottle of wine at lunch yesterday and then topped it off with a three hour nap, and goes on Ebay shopping sprees. To be quite honest, Common Sense Morgan has been at the helm for a good part of the last year and a half. However, good old Regular Morgan is drawing her sword and making a run for the wheel.
It all started when I got a second job as an SAT tutor. I wasn't really looking for a second job--one just kind of came and found me. It's a one on one tutoring thing, so one can make their own hours, and make a very nice income doing it. Currently, I just work about 10 hours a week, spending a couple of evenings and Saturday mornings doing it. It is fun, profitable and completely doable timewise. It's money that I currently use for frivolous things, like concert tickets, shoes, and holiday lights for Matt. Sometimes I squirrel the money away in our savings account. It's all completely common-sense and well-thought out.
However, the more I do it, the more that I think I should give up the regular job, and up my hours tutoring so that I have more time to write and just basically live. The hourly rate that I make tutoring is a helluva lot more than I make here, even though here I am on salary. If I just worked 20 hours a week tutoring (which is half of what I work now), I could be making roughly the same amount of money that I make now. And I would have half of my life back. I wouldn't have to be here 40 hours a week, I wouldn't have to do things that I find un-challenging and unfulfilling. I could be myself for 20 more hours a week.
Note, however, that that is Regular Morgan speaking, she of the bottles of wine and shoe fetishes. Common Sense Morgan reminds me that if I give up my current job, I would be making less money, in that, I would no longer be able to count the tutoring money as "extra" income. Plus, I would have no insurance and no 401 (k). That's a biggy. I need insurance. Besides that, I would be losing any resume points that I am getting by working here--I don't know how part-time SAT tutor looks on a resume, but I imagine it would be worse than hardcore office work experience, and I don't want be back at square one if I ever decide to go back to the full-time job world.
But despite all of that, I have pretty much given myself until the beginning of next fall (is it sad that I still think in terms of semesters?) to make this change. I don't think that I want any of this anymore, but it is going to take some engineering to get everything figured out, so I am putting myself on a timeline. How corporate is that? That in itself is reason enough for me to give up this stuff.
Is this bad? Should I contain Regular Morgan before she ruins lives and makes cake batter run in the streets?
I don't know. It probably is bad. I think it has been coming a long time (probably since the very first day I stepped foot in the corporate world if I'm honest about it), but it all came to a head yesterday when I was laying on the bed, fat and happy after drinking a bottle of two buck Chuck and eating scads of goat cheese on sourdough, watching my husband as he tried to string coherent thoughts together and pretending to watch some horrible Michael Keaton movie. And I thought--why isn't life like this all the time? Yeah, I know, one really shouldn't aspire to be drunk all the time, nor should that kind of gluttony be an everyday thing. But, if one can swing it, life really should be easy like that. And if I do this, I think I can swing it.
This all basically boils down to the fact that I don't know what I want to do with my life. But I do know what I don't want to do with my life. And what I don't want to do is to be some corporate drone. I have already sort of stationed myself as this outsider, the antithesis to the other recent college grad who exudes this kind of wide-eyed yet blind complacency with "policy" and "compliance." I think anymore, it is not enough to be the snarky kid who sits in the back and makes fun of everyone's clothes. I need to really be free, to really be me.
Have I convinced anyone yet? Or are you on Common Sense Morgan's side?
Whatever. This is my line in the sand. I'm ready for a change, or at least, to set a change in motion. I think I kinda rock right now.
And if you're interested, I look kind of cute today: Gap Curvy Flare Trousers, Express purple brocade-esque button up with pleating, Gap corduroy blazer that I bought my freshman year of college (which means, yeah bitches, I'm down to that size again), Aerosoles loafer wedges with tassels. I also have on L'Oreal mineral foundation, Benefit Dallas blush, Maybelline Dream Mousse eyeshadow in Suede Sensation, Benefit BadGal lash, and C.O. Bigelow lipgloss in some red tinted glossy color. And I'm having a good hair day. So there. It's ok to be jealous....
Well, I've wasted too much company time. It's a good thing my boss is on a tight deadline and kind of disregarding my entire presence today, or I'd have never gotten this typed.
God, I hope I don't have long of where I have to explain myself like that. Parting will be such sweet sorry, Corporate America, such sweet, sweet sorrow.
Back to work.
It all started when I got a second job as an SAT tutor. I wasn't really looking for a second job--one just kind of came and found me. It's a one on one tutoring thing, so one can make their own hours, and make a very nice income doing it. Currently, I just work about 10 hours a week, spending a couple of evenings and Saturday mornings doing it. It is fun, profitable and completely doable timewise. It's money that I currently use for frivolous things, like concert tickets, shoes, and holiday lights for Matt. Sometimes I squirrel the money away in our savings account. It's all completely common-sense and well-thought out.
However, the more I do it, the more that I think I should give up the regular job, and up my hours tutoring so that I have more time to write and just basically live. The hourly rate that I make tutoring is a helluva lot more than I make here, even though here I am on salary. If I just worked 20 hours a week tutoring (which is half of what I work now), I could be making roughly the same amount of money that I make now. And I would have half of my life back. I wouldn't have to be here 40 hours a week, I wouldn't have to do things that I find un-challenging and unfulfilling. I could be myself for 20 more hours a week.
Note, however, that that is Regular Morgan speaking, she of the bottles of wine and shoe fetishes. Common Sense Morgan reminds me that if I give up my current job, I would be making less money, in that, I would no longer be able to count the tutoring money as "extra" income. Plus, I would have no insurance and no 401 (k). That's a biggy. I need insurance. Besides that, I would be losing any resume points that I am getting by working here--I don't know how part-time SAT tutor looks on a resume, but I imagine it would be worse than hardcore office work experience, and I don't want be back at square one if I ever decide to go back to the full-time job world.
But despite all of that, I have pretty much given myself until the beginning of next fall (is it sad that I still think in terms of semesters?) to make this change. I don't think that I want any of this anymore, but it is going to take some engineering to get everything figured out, so I am putting myself on a timeline. How corporate is that? That in itself is reason enough for me to give up this stuff.
Is this bad? Should I contain Regular Morgan before she ruins lives and makes cake batter run in the streets?
I don't know. It probably is bad. I think it has been coming a long time (probably since the very first day I stepped foot in the corporate world if I'm honest about it), but it all came to a head yesterday when I was laying on the bed, fat and happy after drinking a bottle of two buck Chuck and eating scads of goat cheese on sourdough, watching my husband as he tried to string coherent thoughts together and pretending to watch some horrible Michael Keaton movie. And I thought--why isn't life like this all the time? Yeah, I know, one really shouldn't aspire to be drunk all the time, nor should that kind of gluttony be an everyday thing. But, if one can swing it, life really should be easy like that. And if I do this, I think I can swing it.
This all basically boils down to the fact that I don't know what I want to do with my life. But I do know what I don't want to do with my life. And what I don't want to do is to be some corporate drone. I have already sort of stationed myself as this outsider, the antithesis to the other recent college grad who exudes this kind of wide-eyed yet blind complacency with "policy" and "compliance." I think anymore, it is not enough to be the snarky kid who sits in the back and makes fun of everyone's clothes. I need to really be free, to really be me.
Have I convinced anyone yet? Or are you on Common Sense Morgan's side?
Whatever. This is my line in the sand. I'm ready for a change, or at least, to set a change in motion. I think I kinda rock right now.
And if you're interested, I look kind of cute today: Gap Curvy Flare Trousers, Express purple brocade-esque button up with pleating, Gap corduroy blazer that I bought my freshman year of college (which means, yeah bitches, I'm down to that size again), Aerosoles loafer wedges with tassels. I also have on L'Oreal mineral foundation, Benefit Dallas blush, Maybelline Dream Mousse eyeshadow in Suede Sensation, Benefit BadGal lash, and C.O. Bigelow lipgloss in some red tinted glossy color. And I'm having a good hair day. So there. It's ok to be jealous....
Well, I've wasted too much company time. It's a good thing my boss is on a tight deadline and kind of disregarding my entire presence today, or I'd have never gotten this typed.
God, I hope I don't have long of where I have to explain myself like that. Parting will be such sweet sorry, Corporate America, such sweet, sweet sorrow.
Back to work.
posted by Southern Belle at 12:43 PM
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