A Craigslist Post
I just posted this to the rants and raves on Craigslist, and thought I would humor myself by posting it here. Since I am in an introspective, shitty mood, I will probably be posting more later.
-Morgan
Dear Class of 2006,
So, it looks like you’re entering your last semester before graduation/hoping that the Honor Council doesn’t go through with it, because you are not taking accounting again/drunker than you have ever been. Congratulations on that. Commencement (or drunkeness) is a wonderful thing, and soon you will be wrapped up in the time-honored traditions that go along with it It is a wonderful time for you, a time when the whole world seems to be in bloom, and you are the coquettish nymph with his/her pick of any of the flowers that surround you. Enjoy it while you can.
I am here, as a proud member of the Class of 2005, to tell you that the real world sucks. Yeah, I know you’re thinking, “Sure it does, Miami was the last great season.” Of course it was, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about working, and living, but mostly working. That sucks. Allow me to explain why.
Remember high school? If you are like me, it was a time that was full of drama, when people were stupid and concerned their lives with stupid things, and you felt so above it all, but you couldn’t do anything about it because you had to go to high school. Remember how whiny and bitchy everyone was, and how important they all thought they were? Remember the backstabbing and backbiting and going behind people’s back to rat them out about stuff they may or may not have done? Remember how you thought that the second that you stepped foot on a college campus that that was all over? Well, I hate to tell you, but it’s not. Work is just like high school except without the sex, miniskirts and football. In fact, work is worse because now people are pushing 50 and pissed off that their life is a big ole heap of shit, and they take it out on you.
I know about half of you are sitting there saying, “Oh, no, I will not have that problem. I will not work in a huge, soulless corporation like that portrayed on the wonderful movie Office Space. I will work for a small nonprofit where people’s hearts are in the right place and they can work together with peace and love.” To this I respond first by saying that this is the kind of ideological bullshit that you should get over now before you enter the real world, and second, by stating that I work for a small nonprofit where people’s hearts are supposed to be in the right place but instead reside somewhere near the third ring of Hell.
The other half of you are sitting there saying, “Oh, no, I will not have that problem. I will work for someone intelligent who got their MBA from Harvard and watches British comedy and reads T.S. Eliot.” To this, I respond first by laughing openly in your face and second by stating that the smart people are usually those who a) don’t get started in this rat race in the first place, b) are at the lower levels of the business and spend their days writing angry rants on Craigslist or c) are jailed for random acts of disobedience and outright violence against their employers. Chances are you will be employed by a person (or group of people) who cannot spell the word “vertical,” cannot form full sentences, and recently got a good amount of money for their soul from a dude named Beezlebub.
So congratulations on your upcoming graduation! If you choose to go into this career world of ours, you can expect to be surrounded by ignorant liars for the rest of your life!
Or, if you want to be truly happy, become a sheep farmer in New Zealand or go to grad school or find a job doing something that you love so much that you won’t be able to be brought down by an angry crew of asshats. Don’t settle for anything less, because you won’t be able to take it.
And if you don’t follow my advice, be sure you’re the one writing the angry rant to the Class of 2007.
Love,
A Disillusioned Member of the Class of 2005
-Morgan
Dear Class of 2006,
So, it looks like you’re entering your last semester before graduation/hoping that the Honor Council doesn’t go through with it, because you are not taking accounting again/drunker than you have ever been. Congratulations on that. Commencement (or drunkeness) is a wonderful thing, and soon you will be wrapped up in the time-honored traditions that go along with it It is a wonderful time for you, a time when the whole world seems to be in bloom, and you are the coquettish nymph with his/her pick of any of the flowers that surround you. Enjoy it while you can.
I am here, as a proud member of the Class of 2005, to tell you that the real world sucks. Yeah, I know you’re thinking, “Sure it does, Miami was the last great season.” Of course it was, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about working, and living, but mostly working. That sucks. Allow me to explain why.
Remember high school? If you are like me, it was a time that was full of drama, when people were stupid and concerned their lives with stupid things, and you felt so above it all, but you couldn’t do anything about it because you had to go to high school. Remember how whiny and bitchy everyone was, and how important they all thought they were? Remember the backstabbing and backbiting and going behind people’s back to rat them out about stuff they may or may not have done? Remember how you thought that the second that you stepped foot on a college campus that that was all over? Well, I hate to tell you, but it’s not. Work is just like high school except without the sex, miniskirts and football. In fact, work is worse because now people are pushing 50 and pissed off that their life is a big ole heap of shit, and they take it out on you.
I know about half of you are sitting there saying, “Oh, no, I will not have that problem. I will not work in a huge, soulless corporation like that portrayed on the wonderful movie Office Space. I will work for a small nonprofit where people’s hearts are in the right place and they can work together with peace and love.” To this I respond first by saying that this is the kind of ideological bullshit that you should get over now before you enter the real world, and second, by stating that I work for a small nonprofit where people’s hearts are supposed to be in the right place but instead reside somewhere near the third ring of Hell.
The other half of you are sitting there saying, “Oh, no, I will not have that problem. I will work for someone intelligent who got their MBA from Harvard and watches British comedy and reads T.S. Eliot.” To this, I respond first by laughing openly in your face and second by stating that the smart people are usually those who a) don’t get started in this rat race in the first place, b) are at the lower levels of the business and spend their days writing angry rants on Craigslist or c) are jailed for random acts of disobedience and outright violence against their employers. Chances are you will be employed by a person (or group of people) who cannot spell the word “vertical,” cannot form full sentences, and recently got a good amount of money for their soul from a dude named Beezlebub.
So congratulations on your upcoming graduation! If you choose to go into this career world of ours, you can expect to be surrounded by ignorant liars for the rest of your life!
Or, if you want to be truly happy, become a sheep farmer in New Zealand or go to grad school or find a job doing something that you love so much that you won’t be able to be brought down by an angry crew of asshats. Don’t settle for anything less, because you won’t be able to take it.
And if you don’t follow my advice, be sure you’re the one writing the angry rant to the Class of 2007.
Love,
A Disillusioned Member of the Class of 2005
posted by Southern Belle at 1:57 PM
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