Ok...one short rant: Ukrop's
Having the i and k is really spoiling me...
Dear Ukrops,
I am a very big fan of your grocery stores. I love your bakery--you always have great European style breads at good prices, and your associates are really, really nice, even when I ask them to cut the bread so thin that I can see through it and/or wrap it around my tongue while I'm eating it and...oh never mind. But really, your stores are great and I love them.
That being said, your strawberries have me in a bit of a quandry. See, you (or your packers, which you insist to me are local fellows) have this really nasty tendency to put these soggy, dark burgundy strawberries on the bottom of the package, and then you fill the top of the thing with nice, firm crimson ones. So I come along and buy two packs because it's such a good price and I intend upon making a pie with one pack. But then I get home, and open them up, and realize that I only have one package of edible strawberries as half of each package is nasty. I thought you were above this. As I have great faith in you, I go back to your store and buy 4 (!) packages, meaning that I spent $6 on flipping strawberries, as I am sure that I just got fluke packages before and that these four packs (I thought I checked pretty well) would be fine and I could make 2 pies (one freezer, one crumb topped) and have waffles. But it's the same deal. So now I've got two packs of nice strawberries (albeit a bit dry in places, but it's the beginning of the season, so I forgive) and two packs of the strawberries that God forgot and which are dissolving into a pit of their own filth right now as we speak.
What gives, Ukrops? Why you gotta do me like that? I thought we was buds, friends, compatriots in a fast food world. But you just took that and spit on it. You said, "Morgan, that's it. I'm going to give you some nasty-ass berries, because that's what I think of our friendship." You said that--don't be sittin' there all snide thinkin' that Target got your back, because you know they ratted you out and told me this shit. Target said you don't care about your consumers no more, and that I'd be better off to spend more at the Fresh Market for all you care. Man, I don't even know how I'm going to face you now, Ukrops. I mean, I came down to Target yesterday, and I couldn't even look at you. I'm serious. You played me, bitch. You gave me at least three packages of strawberries that are better used as water balloons, and you laughed and took my $4.50 and run. I cry, Ukrops, I cry. I thought we was friends, but I guess I was wrong.
I'll be seein' you when I come see Target. And don't tell me that all my Mossimo clothes are gonna come apart. Target's all I got now.
You disgust me, bitch,
Morg
Back to Milton--I have 547 words of 1500. How cool am I?
Dear Ukrops,
I am a very big fan of your grocery stores. I love your bakery--you always have great European style breads at good prices, and your associates are really, really nice, even when I ask them to cut the bread so thin that I can see through it and/or wrap it around my tongue while I'm eating it and...oh never mind. But really, your stores are great and I love them.
That being said, your strawberries have me in a bit of a quandry. See, you (or your packers, which you insist to me are local fellows) have this really nasty tendency to put these soggy, dark burgundy strawberries on the bottom of the package, and then you fill the top of the thing with nice, firm crimson ones. So I come along and buy two packs because it's such a good price and I intend upon making a pie with one pack. But then I get home, and open them up, and realize that I only have one package of edible strawberries as half of each package is nasty. I thought you were above this. As I have great faith in you, I go back to your store and buy 4 (!) packages, meaning that I spent $6 on flipping strawberries, as I am sure that I just got fluke packages before and that these four packs (I thought I checked pretty well) would be fine and I could make 2 pies (one freezer, one crumb topped) and have waffles. But it's the same deal. So now I've got two packs of nice strawberries (albeit a bit dry in places, but it's the beginning of the season, so I forgive) and two packs of the strawberries that God forgot and which are dissolving into a pit of their own filth right now as we speak.
What gives, Ukrops? Why you gotta do me like that? I thought we was buds, friends, compatriots in a fast food world. But you just took that and spit on it. You said, "Morgan, that's it. I'm going to give you some nasty-ass berries, because that's what I think of our friendship." You said that--don't be sittin' there all snide thinkin' that Target got your back, because you know they ratted you out and told me this shit. Target said you don't care about your consumers no more, and that I'd be better off to spend more at the Fresh Market for all you care. Man, I don't even know how I'm going to face you now, Ukrops. I mean, I came down to Target yesterday, and I couldn't even look at you. I'm serious. You played me, bitch. You gave me at least three packages of strawberries that are better used as water balloons, and you laughed and took my $4.50 and run. I cry, Ukrops, I cry. I thought we was friends, but I guess I was wrong.
I'll be seein' you when I come see Target. And don't tell me that all my Mossimo clothes are gonna come apart. Target's all I got now.
You disgust me, bitch,
Morg
Back to Milton--I have 547 words of 1500. How cool am I?
posted by Southern Belle at 8:29 PM
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