Ok, so I'm only somewhat hungover, and only somewhat embarassed about last night's post. I would post a retraction or some such, but the truth is, it was my last day of classes, I was smashed, and it was funny. Let's just leave it at that.
So in the spirit of getting back to some pseudo level of normalcy, I am going to post today's questions to those newsmakers and tailshakers that I have been thinking of...
To Katie Holmes:
1). Congratulations on the whole Tom Cruise thing. Do you think that you and I could start a Midget Admiration Club together?
2). Have you kissed your career goodbye yet? Good luck on that.
To Britney, my love:
1). How do you like that new Radiohead cd you bought? I knew you'd find emotional kinship with a band who wrote a song called "Creep."
2). How's the Federfetus treating you? No, Britney, you can't have one sip of Colt 45, no matter what Kevin told you about it putting the baby to sleep.
To Angelina Jolie:
1). First off, you rock. Let me just say that. But, how does it feel to turn Jennifer Aniston into an ugly, unwanted woman? Because I've been wanting to do that since she got pregnant on Friends and just ruined that whole goddamn show. Bitch.
2). How does one rightly woo a married man? Does it involve naked breasts or a more subtle approach? Because I am moving to Berkeley, and there's this certain married man who just really toasts my waffle...oh never mind.
3). If I adopt a Cambodian kid, do you think that will work? Because I could so do that you know. Anything for my intoxicated lovepot.
To Prof. Anemone:
1). Do you miss me yet? I thought so.
To the Hip-Hop World at Large:
1). What is "crunk"? I have heard that word no less than 2,458 times in the past two days. Can someone explain it to me? Oh, and by the way, I'm sorry for using to word "bling" to describe my engagement ring last night. I blame it on $4 cocktail night. It won't happen again.
To Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie:
1) I've got two huge philly cheesesteaks for both of ya'll. Will you eat them for the good of the American people? Because we're really scared that one of you is going to use her emaciated elbow to put our eyes out. Seriously. (Have you seen Lindsay lately? Go to gofugyourself and check her out...it's scary.)
And finally...To Billie Joe:
1) It's me again. I just found out that you're a vegetarian, but I am willing to forgive you for it. Would you like some mashed potatoes? One bite, and you'll love me forever. I could even slather them all over my...oh dear god, this is too disgusting even for me.
Rock steady, my little creme brulees.
So in the spirit of getting back to some pseudo level of normalcy, I am going to post today's questions to those newsmakers and tailshakers that I have been thinking of...
To Katie Holmes:
1). Congratulations on the whole Tom Cruise thing. Do you think that you and I could start a Midget Admiration Club together?
2). Have you kissed your career goodbye yet? Good luck on that.
To Britney, my love:
1). How do you like that new Radiohead cd you bought? I knew you'd find emotional kinship with a band who wrote a song called "Creep."
2). How's the Federfetus treating you? No, Britney, you can't have one sip of Colt 45, no matter what Kevin told you about it putting the baby to sleep.
To Angelina Jolie:
1). First off, you rock. Let me just say that. But, how does it feel to turn Jennifer Aniston into an ugly, unwanted woman? Because I've been wanting to do that since she got pregnant on Friends and just ruined that whole goddamn show. Bitch.
2). How does one rightly woo a married man? Does it involve naked breasts or a more subtle approach? Because I am moving to Berkeley, and there's this certain married man who just really toasts my waffle...oh never mind.
3). If I adopt a Cambodian kid, do you think that will work? Because I could so do that you know. Anything for my intoxicated lovepot.
To Prof. Anemone:
1). Do you miss me yet? I thought so.
To the Hip-Hop World at Large:
1). What is "crunk"? I have heard that word no less than 2,458 times in the past two days. Can someone explain it to me? Oh, and by the way, I'm sorry for using to word "bling" to describe my engagement ring last night. I blame it on $4 cocktail night. It won't happen again.
To Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie:
1) I've got two huge philly cheesesteaks for both of ya'll. Will you eat them for the good of the American people? Because we're really scared that one of you is going to use her emaciated elbow to put our eyes out. Seriously. (Have you seen Lindsay lately? Go to gofugyourself and check her out...it's scary.)
And finally...To Billie Joe:
1) It's me again. I just found out that you're a vegetarian, but I am willing to forgive you for it. Would you like some mashed potatoes? One bite, and you'll love me forever. I could even slather them all over my...oh dear god, this is too disgusting even for me.
Rock steady, my little creme brulees.
posted by Southern Belle at 11:06 AM
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