An Open Letter to My Generation:

Hello all. I hope this letter finds you in good health and happy and as sober as possible because it is important. By now, we have managed to graduate college/impregnate someone/give birth to someone/buy that Camaro we've always wanted with money from the the Oxycontin. Congratulations. We've achieved stuff. We're doing well as a generation I think. We're smart/hard working/fun/always drunk. And, in my humble opinion, that's pretty good for a group who is maligned as much as we are.

But here's the thing. I believe we're asking a bit too much. We all think that we're just going to get stuff--you know, money, great job that involves drinking coffee and talking, love, sex, etc. etc. And we don't really think about what it takes to get those things. We just assume that it will appear, like that freaky king in the Burger King commericals, and give us all that we desire. And to tell you the truth, that's not going to happen. Sometimes you have to work for stuff, and sadly, that's not always fun. As the young guys on the totem pole, we all have to take jobs that just aren't what we are looking for at the moment, and hope that we work our way up someday. We just have to. And we shouldn't expect a whole hell of a lot more. Sorry, but that's just the way it is.

So, to the person on LiveJournal who shall remain nameless I give you this advice (not that you will listen to it, since you are staying away from the hard, cruel internet for a few days): Shut the hell up. No one cares. Yes, I understand that you have a right to go on an online forum and bitch about your life. That's fine. But when it goes on for 6 months--I mean, seriously. You need to get your life together. You go to an office job for one day and decide that it is hell and that you're never going back? What the fuck? Are you on crack? Answer these questions: 1)Will it honestly kill you? 2) Will it pay your rent? If the answers are "no" and "yes," shut up. Could you please? We would all appreciate it. Welcome to the real world, bitch. It sucks. You're going to love it.

And yes, I could just quit reading your livejournal, but the thing is, I kind of need it. It reminds me of just how good my life is. So while I sort of need for you to make bad choices and have a wretched life, even I want you to get out of this funk. Seriously. It's gotten that bad.

Oh, and that thing about academia, and how you belong there: I hate to point this out, but being married to academia personified I think I can say it. Academia is work. Lots of work. And, honey, you couldn't cut it if someone spotted you the books and the smarts. You'd weep after the first day, and then we'd all have to hear about that too. Geez.

So the moral of the story is this: Suck it up. Go on. Develop an alcohol problem. And someday things will be better, and you'll thank me.

Love,
Morg