Reclaiming Lost Youth via the Use of Surveys, Part II
if
If I could have any job in the world I'd want to be one of those talking heads on VH1 who says pseudo-scripted things about people/decades/really bad haircuts. Wouldn't that be cool? Because you know I'd be everyone's favorite. I wouldn't be like that one chick with the really bad Brooklyn accent who is always talking about Jews. Hell no.
If I could eliminate one phrase from the English language it would be TomKat in reference to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Just say no.
If I was ever photographed riding a mechanical bull I would spend as much as $5.37 to make sure that nobody ever saw the evidence. Seriously. I don't have the money to pay much, so I best be stayin' away from mechanical bulls.
If I had two retarded children I would name them Bo and Luke.
If I was ever added to list of "blogebrities" I would use it to get a really good table at the Williamsburg Olive Garden. Because I only roll with the best.
If I lost my iPod I would rejoice, because that would mean that I had an iPod to start out with.
If I lost my cell phone I would damn myself for buying one to start out with (that's right--don't have one, don't really want one).
If I found a $100 bill on an empty street I would go to Target and buy a buggy full of shit that I would never need or even really want. And then I'd go to the outlet malls and spend a whole shit load more--all under the idea that it is "found money." What I bought would definitely total more than $100, but believe me, I am weak minded and I can justify any sort of spending to myself if I really try.
If I was ever tricked into eating an olive I would develop a flesh eating rash and then turn into a garden slug.
If I was a professional baseball player, my coming-to-bat song would be "Small Town" by John Cougar Mellancamp.
If I could go back in time and stop myself from buying just one record I would choose Make Believe by Weezer. Sorry Weezer.
If I was ever serving time in prison I would start using all of my knowledge of the criminal justice system honed from years upon years of hardcore Law and Order watching to get my ass out. And I would succeed too. Ain't that right, Jack McCoy?
If I never heard Meatloaf's "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" again I would never sing it again. Because if I hear it, I sing it. It's automatic, like breathing.
If I had to eat a baby I'd pour on the BBQ.
And if I was ever really bored while my intellectual husband played Harry Potter on Game Cube, I'd do a list of things I'd do in other situations. Really. I'd do that.
If I could have any job in the world I'd want to be one of those talking heads on VH1 who says pseudo-scripted things about people/decades/really bad haircuts. Wouldn't that be cool? Because you know I'd be everyone's favorite. I wouldn't be like that one chick with the really bad Brooklyn accent who is always talking about Jews. Hell no.
If I could eliminate one phrase from the English language it would be TomKat in reference to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Just say no.
If I was ever photographed riding a mechanical bull I would spend as much as $5.37 to make sure that nobody ever saw the evidence. Seriously. I don't have the money to pay much, so I best be stayin' away from mechanical bulls.
If I had two retarded children I would name them Bo and Luke.
If I was ever added to list of "blogebrities" I would use it to get a really good table at the Williamsburg Olive Garden. Because I only roll with the best.
If I lost my iPod I would rejoice, because that would mean that I had an iPod to start out with.
If I lost my cell phone I would damn myself for buying one to start out with (that's right--don't have one, don't really want one).
If I found a $100 bill on an empty street I would go to Target and buy a buggy full of shit that I would never need or even really want. And then I'd go to the outlet malls and spend a whole shit load more--all under the idea that it is "found money." What I bought would definitely total more than $100, but believe me, I am weak minded and I can justify any sort of spending to myself if I really try.
If I was ever tricked into eating an olive I would develop a flesh eating rash and then turn into a garden slug.
If I was a professional baseball player, my coming-to-bat song would be "Small Town" by John Cougar Mellancamp.
If I could go back in time and stop myself from buying just one record I would choose Make Believe by Weezer. Sorry Weezer.
If I was ever serving time in prison I would start using all of my knowledge of the criminal justice system honed from years upon years of hardcore Law and Order watching to get my ass out. And I would succeed too. Ain't that right, Jack McCoy?
If I never heard Meatloaf's "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" again I would never sing it again. Because if I hear it, I sing it. It's automatic, like breathing.
If I had to eat a baby I'd pour on the BBQ.
And if I was ever really bored while my intellectual husband played Harry Potter on Game Cube, I'd do a list of things I'd do in other situations. Really. I'd do that.
posted by Southern Belle at 10:35 PM
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