Yo yo yo...
I'm back in the library bitches. Seriously, I have been thinking, no dreaming, of this i and k all day today. So I just had to get here pronto to be able to relish in the beauty of it all.
Need to get this Milton paper done. It weighs on my mind like a fat person who has been at Mongolian BBQ for the past three hours. It's due tomorrow, so I really have no choice as to whether I get it done or not, but I'd like to get it done tonight before SVU as Stabler is supposed to finally implode or explode or turn into an ass-raping helper monkey or some such. Actually, you and I both know that whether or not I get this done before 10:00 tonight means nothing--I'm going to watch anyway. Because no man, epic poet or not, can keep me away from my L&O fix.
Did you hear that Renee Zellweger married Kenny Chesney in a surprise ceremony? Another marriage brought together by Pabst Blue Ribbon...
And now it's just one week until the premiere of Chaotic, Britney and Kevin's reality show, which means that all next Tuesday I will be sitting on my couch watching VH1 and weeping in sheer anticipation. I can hardly wait...
I need to go, but before I do, here are some questions for my favorite newsmakers and ass shakers or the day:
To Gwen Stefani:
1) Who told you that you could use Japanese women as fashion accessories? Because that's, er, wrong, you know. You should, uh, refrain from doing that. Oh, and don't just sing about b-a-n-a-n-a-s. Eat one. You need it.
To Ashlee Simpson:
1) Why did you dye your hair? You look like a cross between Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction and Donatella Versace. And while I love Uma, it's bad. No matter what your daddy told you, it's bad.
2) Are you sure he's not gay? I'll wait while you check.
To John Milton:
1) So, uh, does Adam have free will in the poem? If you could answer that for me, the next few hours would just be lovely.
And finally, to Billie Joe:
1) I heard you didn't graduate from high school. That's sad, hon-bun. Would you get a GED for me? Because if I'm going to be able to debate the existence of free-will in a poem centered around the fall of mankind, I think the man that I currently would throw it all on the fire for could at least be qualified to get a job that doesn't require a paper hat...you know, if you needed to (like say, for instance, you married me and realized that you could never go on another tour again because you couldn't stand being away from me, and then we squandered all of your money on eyeliner and Cabernet Franc and Lord knows I wouldn't have any money, because see, I'm trying to write an semi-autobiographical novel and it's just not selling--don't roll your eyes, Billie Joe. It could happen.)
2) You're not growing a beard yet are you?
Need to get this Milton paper done. It weighs on my mind like a fat person who has been at Mongolian BBQ for the past three hours. It's due tomorrow, so I really have no choice as to whether I get it done or not, but I'd like to get it done tonight before SVU as Stabler is supposed to finally implode or explode or turn into an ass-raping helper monkey or some such. Actually, you and I both know that whether or not I get this done before 10:00 tonight means nothing--I'm going to watch anyway. Because no man, epic poet or not, can keep me away from my L&O fix.
Did you hear that Renee Zellweger married Kenny Chesney in a surprise ceremony? Another marriage brought together by Pabst Blue Ribbon...
And now it's just one week until the premiere of Chaotic, Britney and Kevin's reality show, which means that all next Tuesday I will be sitting on my couch watching VH1 and weeping in sheer anticipation. I can hardly wait...
I need to go, but before I do, here are some questions for my favorite newsmakers and ass shakers or the day:
To Gwen Stefani:
1) Who told you that you could use Japanese women as fashion accessories? Because that's, er, wrong, you know. You should, uh, refrain from doing that. Oh, and don't just sing about b-a-n-a-n-a-s. Eat one. You need it.
To Ashlee Simpson:
1) Why did you dye your hair? You look like a cross between Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction and Donatella Versace. And while I love Uma, it's bad. No matter what your daddy told you, it's bad.
2) Are you sure he's not gay? I'll wait while you check.
To John Milton:
1) So, uh, does Adam have free will in the poem? If you could answer that for me, the next few hours would just be lovely.
And finally, to Billie Joe:
1) I heard you didn't graduate from high school. That's sad, hon-bun. Would you get a GED for me? Because if I'm going to be able to debate the existence of free-will in a poem centered around the fall of mankind, I think the man that I currently would throw it all on the fire for could at least be qualified to get a job that doesn't require a paper hat...you know, if you needed to (like say, for instance, you married me and realized that you could never go on another tour again because you couldn't stand being away from me, and then we squandered all of your money on eyeliner and Cabernet Franc and Lord knows I wouldn't have any money, because see, I'm trying to write an semi-autobiographical novel and it's just not selling--don't roll your eyes, Billie Joe. It could happen.)
2) You're not growing a beard yet are you?
posted by Southern Belle at 2:41 PM
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