Mayhem, Madness and Stupid Shit
I am logging on rather quickly in order to answer these questions from the Great Bobdini before I watch Family Guy. Matt and I had a great night last night--we went to a nice restaurant, ate huge quantities of beef, and saw two movies, one of which was good and the other of which was...well...lacking. The lacking one was Dark Water, which really should have been called The Attack of the High Rent, because that was basically what it was about. This led to a long, fun conversation about horror movies and how they have gone horribly, horribly wrong, which is where my title comes from. Matt took the time to elucidate the very things that make a good horror movie, and then went on to say that pretentiousness, overthinking, and freaky children are the downfall of the horror flick. He says this like he is teaching a class. This, my little chocolate cupcakes, is why I love my husband.
So, Bob my love, here are your answers.
Why are we still in a war that was decleared over two years ago? This answer is easy: it's profitable. Our proud soldiers are making a lot of money over there for rich bastards who need it for their yachts and their trophy wives. And little Bambi needs new boobs. Doesn't that make it all worthwhile?
Wouldn't it just be easier to shoot them as they enlist? It would save the government on a lot of that terrible expensive gas flying bodies to and frow. I think so, yes. Or we could just show them pictures of a bunch of disembodied Iraqi children, play the Star Spangled Banner, hack off an arm and reintroduce them to society. They would have accomplished the same thing pretty much.
Why and how in the hell does His Holiness the Dalai Lama and his retardedness George Duuuuhwya Bsh share the same birth day? Cosmic prank? That God, he gets his kicks in the strangest manners. And yes, this is a cosmic prank.
Why do I have a weird, crack like, addiction to the Weekly World News? The same reason I am addicted to Pink is the New Blog. Just because. VH1 can't be counted on to satisfy 24 hours a day.
Why doesn't everybody believe in reincarnation, when it is one of the only versions of the after life that has scientific evidence? It's not like the Lamas just pull a name out of a hat. Being from the Bible Belt, I consider myself an expert on this question. Here's how it breaks down: Science: stoopid. Believing in a God (and everything the preacher who talks about that god says you should) who Hates You and Wants to Beat You Down (you filthy sinner) at Any Turn: Totally Smart and holy too.
It has now been 4 days since I have had oral surgery. Why the halibut does my whole face still feel like I tweaked Tyson's nipples and called him a sissy mary? Oh Bob...because you, like me, have absolutely no luck in life. I'm sorry.
Lastly, but most important, will you stay a part of my life forever? It is a wholey dismal thought when my mind turns to losing you from the ennui of distance. Oh, you know I will. As long as there is a Britney, I will be there to comment on her, and as long as there are midgets, you'll be there to send me pictures of them. And life will be oh so good despite absence of luck, enlightenment, and best-selling novels.
Have a good un! And feel free to send me more questions.
So, Bob my love, here are your answers.
Why are we still in a war that was decleared over two years ago? This answer is easy: it's profitable. Our proud soldiers are making a lot of money over there for rich bastards who need it for their yachts and their trophy wives. And little Bambi needs new boobs. Doesn't that make it all worthwhile?
Wouldn't it just be easier to shoot them as they enlist? It would save the government on a lot of that terrible expensive gas flying bodies to and frow. I think so, yes. Or we could just show them pictures of a bunch of disembodied Iraqi children, play the Star Spangled Banner, hack off an arm and reintroduce them to society. They would have accomplished the same thing pretty much.
Why and how in the hell does His Holiness the Dalai Lama and his retardedness George Duuuuhwya Bsh share the same birth day? Cosmic prank? That God, he gets his kicks in the strangest manners. And yes, this is a cosmic prank.
Why do I have a weird, crack like, addiction to the Weekly World News? The same reason I am addicted to Pink is the New Blog. Just because. VH1 can't be counted on to satisfy 24 hours a day.
Why doesn't everybody believe in reincarnation, when it is one of the only versions of the after life that has scientific evidence? It's not like the Lamas just pull a name out of a hat. Being from the Bible Belt, I consider myself an expert on this question. Here's how it breaks down: Science: stoopid. Believing in a God (and everything the preacher who talks about that god says you should) who Hates You and Wants to Beat You Down (you filthy sinner) at Any Turn: Totally Smart and holy too.
It has now been 4 days since I have had oral surgery. Why the halibut does my whole face still feel like I tweaked Tyson's nipples and called him a sissy mary? Oh Bob...because you, like me, have absolutely no luck in life. I'm sorry.
Lastly, but most important, will you stay a part of my life forever? It is a wholey dismal thought when my mind turns to losing you from the ennui of distance. Oh, you know I will. As long as there is a Britney, I will be there to comment on her, and as long as there are midgets, you'll be there to send me pictures of them. And life will be oh so good despite absence of luck, enlightenment, and best-selling novels.
Have a good un! And feel free to send me more questions.
posted by Southern Belle at 8:52 PM
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