Get your Morgabilia while it's hot...
For sale: my shitty ass furniture.
Place: my shitty ass apartment
Time: anytime before I leave
Cost: name your own price, bitches
What I've got:
1) faux wood coffee table, purchased at Big Lots while slightly drunk. Has two faux wicker drawers. Neither has a handle on it. Inspires ingenuity as you have to open the drawer with your foot. Drawers are great places to hide phone books, traffic tickets, old Victoria's Secret catalogs (yes, Matt, I know they are there). Missing a couple of screws--hope that's not a problem. Looks like something someone might buy at World Market if World Market had a section catering to homeless men with botulism.
2) faux wood desk, given to me by my father. He thought he was being all nice, but let's all face it, Dad--it was in your junk pile. Two loose handles--ok, the only handles on this thing's drawers are loose. Missing a large piece that covers the top of said drawers. Hideous color--but if you are roughly 1.67 kilometers away, you might think that it's wood. Sadly, same cannot be said for #1.
3) one round dining table. I think it might actually be real wood--you know, from a real tree and all. Has two leaves that are no longer level, so it's a bit sloped. Makes dinner a real treat! Comes with four brown metal folding chairs, if you desire. Very country meets mod. You know, because of the sloping.
4) one broken desk chair, no back. Purchased at Wal-Mart by my cheap ass husband who wouldn't want the leather one that is $10 more and about 80 times more sturdy "because he would want to sit in it naked, and you can't do that with leather." Sigh.
5) one silver gooseneck floor lamp with retina burning accuracy. Works 40% of the time. Eats light bulbs like Southerners eat fried chicken.
I also have lots of home accents that are equally as hideous that I will describe later. But for now I have to sit on my shitty ass couch and watch my TV which may be the only nice thing in this godforsaken shithole.
Why am I selling these lovely things, you ask? Because I am not going to pay $2095 a month for rent in Berkeley and have it covered with this shit. Seriously. That's too ironic even for me.
Place: my shitty ass apartment
Time: anytime before I leave
Cost: name your own price, bitches
What I've got:
1) faux wood coffee table, purchased at Big Lots while slightly drunk. Has two faux wicker drawers. Neither has a handle on it. Inspires ingenuity as you have to open the drawer with your foot. Drawers are great places to hide phone books, traffic tickets, old Victoria's Secret catalogs (yes, Matt, I know they are there). Missing a couple of screws--hope that's not a problem. Looks like something someone might buy at World Market if World Market had a section catering to homeless men with botulism.
2) faux wood desk, given to me by my father. He thought he was being all nice, but let's all face it, Dad--it was in your junk pile. Two loose handles--ok, the only handles on this thing's drawers are loose. Missing a large piece that covers the top of said drawers. Hideous color--but if you are roughly 1.67 kilometers away, you might think that it's wood. Sadly, same cannot be said for #1.
3) one round dining table. I think it might actually be real wood--you know, from a real tree and all. Has two leaves that are no longer level, so it's a bit sloped. Makes dinner a real treat! Comes with four brown metal folding chairs, if you desire. Very country meets mod. You know, because of the sloping.
4) one broken desk chair, no back. Purchased at Wal-Mart by my cheap ass husband who wouldn't want the leather one that is $10 more and about 80 times more sturdy "because he would want to sit in it naked, and you can't do that with leather." Sigh.
5) one silver gooseneck floor lamp with retina burning accuracy. Works 40% of the time. Eats light bulbs like Southerners eat fried chicken.
I also have lots of home accents that are equally as hideous that I will describe later. But for now I have to sit on my shitty ass couch and watch my TV which may be the only nice thing in this godforsaken shithole.
Why am I selling these lovely things, you ask? Because I am not going to pay $2095 a month for rent in Berkeley and have it covered with this shit. Seriously. That's too ironic even for me.
posted by Southern Belle at 7:51 PM
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